intimate mess

Last night I was rejected by text message as my train crossed the Manhattan Bridge, so when I got home I smothered my heartbreak in booze and Internet dating (mild palliatives, to be sure, but after all, this was just a 1-night stand). My drink of choice was a perky pink-lemonade-from-a-can and gin mixture (times 4), and my site was OkCupid. 

I joined OkCupid sometime last spring in order to stalk my roommate's dates along with her and somewhere along the line it sucked me in. I've never been on a date with any of these people, and I never respond to their occasional IM ("intimate message") requests, but I still go back every now and again (when I'm drunk) to see who has the cleverest profile so that I can send him a creepy message or two. 

He never writes back.

Last night, I picked out this 28 year-old Brooklynite called "okhoopla." He had taken some of the OkCupid quizzes—so I knew that his dating persona was "Loverboy", his lover profile was "Exotic", he was 62% slut, had 55% accurate gaydar, and was an "English Genius" who's "mostly straight" (sign me up!)—but other than that his profile was almost entirely bare. For some reason, in my drunken state, this was appealing to me.

And then there were the three photos he'd posted. They were also pretty non-descript: one of him leaning against a kitchen counter in front of a case of Poland Spring water, one of him staring pensively off into the sky, one of a drawing of Moby Dick plunging into the ocean. That last one really sealed the deal, and I decided to send him this:

some caption suggestions:

1) Polish Springs

2) Are you there God, it's me, okhoopla

3) Dick diving

Looking back on it today, I was especially happy about #3, and I set out to invent my own slang definition of what the phrase "dick diving" could mean. I came up with two possibilities:

1) When you go out to a bar or club or something with the single-minded (though often unspoken) intention of bringing a man home with you. (Sample sentence:  Ooh, yes, Soul Night is always cram-packed with wieners. Looks like we're going dick diving tonight!)

or

2) When a man is particularly poorly-endowed, and you have to do some searching around to get to his penis. (Sample sentence: "He was so small, I had to go dick diving just to go down on him!")

So...the second one is kind of mean, and it doesn't even really make sense (I really can't imagine that happening), but I just sort of liked the way it sounded in a sentence. 

But what do you guys think? Do you like these definitions? Should I start popularizing this term? SHOULD I???