tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23631347624401920712024-02-19T21:32:52.973+13:00snoop blog clubBrucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-61328695353665524852010-03-09T17:50:00.002+13:002010-03-09T17:59:41.361+13:00lick my intrument: body sounds<div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">sometimes this is what i do late at night.</span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">could it possibly be the original SPOONMEN:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6TS9ugnarQQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6TS9ugnarQQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">gothhearted scottish spoonman:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9C3gpIwk_FQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9C3gpIwk_FQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">now, if you look at the description of that last video, it will say something like, "well, he's no artis the spoonman. who is artis the spoonman? OH SHIT:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/H3TFkvEmBYM&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/H3TFkvEmBYM&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">So, clearly i'll never be able to do that. so what's the next step? cut out the middleman, of course. imagine if you could play the spoons.... without spoons! this is also something i was taught at an impressionable age. aside from providing a new level of musicianship to achieve, it left me feeling out of step with MY GENERATION. cmon, people, podcasts and leakedmp4sonbittorrents? fuck that shit. let's hit ourselves in the face like old times. </span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">here's Steve Ho is like the performers at my san francisco montessori school. his show includes subtle performance humor:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/P5u2qEDb8Es&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/P5u2qEDb8Es&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">professional skills:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/aJYInQbb4b0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/aJYInQbb4b0&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">someone's brother:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/YMJeaZtgwng&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/YMJeaZtgwng&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">" sorta like the granddaddy of beatboxing, by crackers":</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_8NOxoZ3rZc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_8NOxoZ3rZc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">more crackers:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/H1yXXhAkkaE&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/H1yXXhAkkaE&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BAFKGhHiLII&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BAFKGhHiLII&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">the reality of the origins of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juba_dance">handbone</a>.</span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">i wish i was able to provide an adequate visual depiction of the dance step the pigeon wing. i will not stop searching.</span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">this guy isn't the best. but he's the best. clearly, he's no stranger to controversy, but i believe this shit is so real. tip: watch his nipples.</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/G9KLS90ejJc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/G9KLS90ejJc&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></i></b></div><div><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">speaking of FAST, here's a side note. i don't believe this man to be the fastest in the world. however, i do think he deserves more than a loading dock job and a jackass t-shirt:</span></span></i></b></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre; font-size:10px;"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CXdIdW84UPA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CXdIdW84UPA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:85%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre;font-size:10px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:130%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: normal;font-size:16px;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">sorry, i know it's a bit much.</span></span></i></b></span></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:85%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" white-space: pre;font-size:10px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><br /></div>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-69189089844531925742010-02-06T18:33:00.003+13:002010-02-06T19:03:15.714+13:00CREEPSTER<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">so last fall Rhonda was invited to attend a GOAT ROAST in BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA. since it's fair to say that goat roasting is not a typical east bay activity, Rhonda wore out the treads on her tires and drove at least 400 miles total to make it. all was well with cake and homemade hot sauce, until "that time of the night" came, around 11pm. you know, that time where the reasonable guests have wandered off to bed or better parties, and the remaining ones could be found sleeping in corners, rambling to themselves, or looking for the empty keg. [or, shall we say, walking to the subway with no shoes. i'm looking at YOU, Bruce.] Rhonda herself was sobering up and nodding off and trying to collect the owner of the couch she'd be sleeping on. coats were gathered, hugs were given, but the hosts were nowhere to be found.</span></i></b></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">then, out of the master bedroom, came a man in boxers.</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">then, giggles and doorslamming. the door opens again, to reveal several more men in boxers, standing close to each other, sitting on laps, removing pants.</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">clearly, the hosts had been discovered. but were they too busy for good-byes? had an even better party started within the roasting house?</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">Rhonda wanted out. but she is curiouser than a cat. she said, hey, we're leaving, but what are you guys doing in there?</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">the answer?</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">WE'RE LISTENING TO BOB DYLAN'S CHRISTMAS ALBUM.</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">this stupid thing won't let me embed. santa must be pretty proprietary.</span></i></b></span></div><div><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC66CC;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8qE6WQmNus</span></i></b></span></a></div><div><br /></div>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-82423044233829562192010-02-03T02:41:00.003+13:002010-02-03T02:53:37.127+13:00TWILIGHTI haven't seen the second TWILIGHT movie, but there seems to be a lot of discussion about how the movie seems to be supporting "abstinence." Personally, I don't really want to see that guy Edward or that other guy who often appears shirtless in trashy magazines (is that guy even legal?) having sex, but is a movie really worth watching if there's no sex involved (I mean, even the "AIRBUD" movies have sex in them!)? Luckily I've been doing a lot of thinking and have thought of a solution to this controversy. In the tradition of girls saving their virginity by opting for handjobs, oral sex, titty-fucking, anal sex, basically anything but intercourse no matter how gruesomely dirty or hardcore, I think Edward, being a vampire and all, should give head to the heroine (what's her name?) while she's menstruating. Maybe he can even chew on her used tampons like gum, or maybe since she's a virgin she uses pads, which might make a better visual for the camera anyway.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-65476956746649913902010-01-15T14:12:00.006+13:002010-01-15T14:26:40.038+13:00ALL HAIL DUBTEN<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">for the new year, things are gonna be different.</span></i></b></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">Rhonda's best internet friend says, "everything is from now on."</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">got it?</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">so far, dubten promises to be all hustle, all the time. last year, Rhonda was lookin into becoming a farmer in the most fertile valley of money trees. unfortunately, that shit got logged.</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">THANK GOD she recently received a letter from our dear Bruce, who knows how to make easy answers to all those tuff questions. after dutifully completing as-honest-as-possible answers denoting her desire for the nightlife, beauty, and helping people, the One True Path has clearly become even more clear:</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">TAXI DRIVER.</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">no, like this:</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><img src="http://dryden.eastmanhouse.org/media/nightearth.jpg" /></span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;"><br /></span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">this is not actually the best movie out there, but hey, in dubten you make do.and this is not the first time Rhonda has been a human trafficker, but that story comes in the springtime. gotta retain a little mystery to keep the internets interested, right?</span></i></b></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC33CC;">THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF THE BLOGGBERG, PEOPLE.</span></i></b></span></div>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-73759390668257947682009-12-26T19:20:00.002+13:002009-12-26T19:24:00.318+13:00lick my instrument: candy art part 2<a style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFekqCm9Ww6FVEAYmJa2cGm7JvH4ZLmDVCXxPtTqCZytFMUvotI36_bof-a-ub8y4O1efo2U65COmUdV2pyIcgZMMXTEP2l-v7i99X8chiym8S-XIN1d8CdmoSa8HiBdtMoUHz_KJzQKM/s1600-h/sugar_coated.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFekqCm9Ww6FVEAYmJa2cGm7JvH4ZLmDVCXxPtTqCZytFMUvotI36_bof-a-ub8y4O1efo2U65COmUdV2pyIcgZMMXTEP2l-v7i99X8chiym8S-XIN1d8CdmoSa8HiBdtMoUHz_KJzQKM/s400/sugar_coated.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381445280388606226" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">APOLOGIES. Rhonda has been on the road. This is how we do.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Unfortunately, it's been a rocky road, where there is no wireless. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">To try and make up for it, Rhonda will have to resort to re-fantasizing the journey, and re-entering blog-land by re-doing an old muti-part post.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">If life were sweet, I would have rolled with this sugar-coated baby.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">I would take out my candy purse:</span><br /><a style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAeN6h2nC8wVzdnFx7_8ynEiiUNw1RRPL8VgJSou1nSXwQjh3iP7ORTiAipJm7fD0rTFs2recffbAgFAVncJY-iLlSEyyQcvPPSvOzNGcSeO2H6ecE_V2khpWi2Anq376J1hsC_b4JVBw/s1600-h/candy-purse.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 264px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAeN6h2nC8wVzdnFx7_8ynEiiUNw1RRPL8VgJSou1nSXwQjh3iP7ORTiAipJm7fD0rTFs2recffbAgFAVncJY-iLlSEyyQcvPPSvOzNGcSeO2H6ecE_V2khpWi2Anq376J1hsC_b4JVBw/s400/candy-purse.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384191176273653890" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">and I would play the sweetest jamz you've ever heard:</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Side A:</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Trick Daddy- Sugar (gimme some)</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Snoop Dogg- Candy</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Lil Kim- How many licks</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Kelis- Milkshake</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">50 Cent- Candy Shop</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">D4L- Laffy Taffy</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">New Edition- Candy Girl</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"What's Up With Da Cookies" - Juney Boomdata</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">"Goodies" - Ciara</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Lil Wayne - Lollipop</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">TLC - This Is What It Tastes Like</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Cameo - Candy</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Pitbull f/ Twista - Candyman</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Will Smith - Candy</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Now that's just the tunes that go with the gumball hummer. But please don't think that those are the only sticky songs out there. MORE CANDY MUSIC TO COME!</span>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-68767071784136283802009-12-02T09:52:00.011+13:002009-12-02T10:18:00.084+13:00worse than what?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgpshI7U1aSZwwbS7-_0Su1Wbl89YKphfPQYbm1lJp_a4wkakGn_xAlopMNFV1aZ6jXa0Ev1CkhGr5pEWEX_ukl9Wp6XQ6FNHM_WSp5XwDrw9yr_pbIC2dYA-yLfplZagNOWoSpT56_fw/s1600/b9ac793509a00ddc8c113110.L.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 269px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRgpshI7U1aSZwwbS7-_0Su1Wbl89YKphfPQYbm1lJp_a4wkakGn_xAlopMNFV1aZ6jXa0Ev1CkhGr5pEWEX_ukl9Wp6XQ6FNHM_WSp5XwDrw9yr_pbIC2dYA-yLfplZagNOWoSpT56_fw/s400/b9ac793509a00ddc8c113110.L.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5410374436678982098" /></a><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(85, 26, 139); text-decoration: underline;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>The special library archive I work in contains one of the finest university collections of English and American rare books and manuscripts, a prominent archive of downtown New York art from when that was, like, a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">scene,</span> and 20,000 cookbooks. So, naturally, every now and again we find something tucked back in there that can really only be described as a gem. <br /></div>dogwighttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17102116601057396727noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-36970038770096432562009-10-20T16:03:00.003+13:002009-10-20T16:10:52.800+13:00Let Them Give HeadExcerpt from my assigned weekly reading:<br /><br /><blockquote>"With the coming of the Revolution in 1789, the floodgates opened, and the number of pamphlets attacking the queen rapidly rose in number. These took various forms, ranging from songs and fables to presumed biographies (such as the <span style="font-style: italic;">Essai historique</span>), confessions, and plays. Sometimes, the writings were pornographic with little explicit political content; the 16-page pamphlet in verse called <span style="font-style: italic;">Le Godmiché royal </span>(The royal dildo), for example, told the story of Junon (the queen) and Hébée (presumably either the duchesse de Polignac or the princesse de Lamballe). <span style="font-weight: bold;">Junon complained of her inability to obtain satisfaction at home, while pulling a dildo out of her bag ('Happy invention that we owe to the monastery'). Her companion promises her penises of almost unimaginably delicious size</span>...."<br /><br />- from "The many bodies of Marie-Antoinette: political pornography and the problem of the feminine in the French Revolution", by Lynn Hunt (emphasis mine).<br /></blockquote><blockquote></blockquote>dogwighttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17102116601057396727noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-80124711239658822382009-10-18T15:37:00.003+13:002009-10-18T15:41:11.408+13:00how do you feel about foreskins?see: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreskin">WikiForeskin</a> vs. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision">WikiCircumcision</a><br /><br />in amerika, encounters with the circumcised variety of penes was the norm... but a sampling of international penes leads me to believe that perhaps circumcision is a weird amerikan thing. what do you think?Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-25132018829466391282009-10-15T22:04:00.003+13:002009-10-15T22:09:38.938+13:00Spam Poetry by Sandy Miller, Annalise Bardot, Halle Moric, Thuy Dorminey, Elnora Reimund, and "drugs"His arrival with nearly 3,000 men inspired the worn soldiers of holland with new confidence.<br /><br />But we must give him an answer.<br />Allow me to introduce you to my daughter, said the countess, with heightened color.<br /><br />Nevertheless, tidings of what was going on in the island of hispaniola at length found their way to the ears of ferdinand and isabella.<br /><br />We shall see whether he cannot attach you to himself or find a place for you somewhere nearer the sun.<br />But then the expression of severity changed, and he drew pierres hand downwards, made him sit down, and smiled affectionately.<br /><br />Your manhood will give girls the heaven pleasure!<br /><br />Having witnessed an almost continuous process of downfall of the various authorities, it is only natural that the sense of loyalty to spain should have become somewhat obscured in the minds of the peruvians.<br /><br />They rode up the opposite hill.<br />The count was lighting his pipe and did not notice his sons condition.<br /><br />Hate me<br /><br />Increase Her Pleasure Tonight.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-13598567032667859692009-10-15T15:01:00.005+13:002009-10-15T15:42:07.180+13:00Close to MeSex in the future is going to be completely hygienic and not-at-all gross. I look forward to the simply sitting, and the simply staring, and the biomechanical gizmos that will finally take the beast out of the beast-with-two-whatevers. Some examples:<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BD3ulOglkcI&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BD3ulOglkcI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br />Wouldn't you like to bump helmets with Sylvester Stallone? Especially if you didn't have to touch his <a href="http://www.jaunted.com/files/admin/stallone02.jpg"><span>totally weird roidal bubble-flesh?</span></a><br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ml7V7LvSi0M&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ml7V7LvSi0M&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br />This is just before <a href="http://popjunkie.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/1464038287_l.jpg"><span>Duran Duran's Orgasm Organ</span></a>, of course. And the cast acrylic torture chamber full of ravenous birds. Maybe the future is too freaky after all.<br /><br />Still, if you want a taste of that sweet <a href="http://gizmodo.com/5127832/hands+in-the-virtual-hole-sex-gets-even-more-awkward-nsfw"><span style="font-weight: bold;">there-without-being-there</span></a> in the intercourse department, the slick motorized future according to one poorly formatted website is <a href="http://www.teledildonics.com/">"...poised to take the world by storm in the next few years."</a>lagenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14031539269610758145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-59551934796189737942009-10-13T17:42:00.007+13:002009-10-13T18:22:19.680+13:00shock & awe & scorched earth dance styleAs we all know, the 80's were very important, especially for spectacular Italian variety shows, and the rubberized modern danseuses / pop idorus / future sad myspace users that would blow everyone's mind with a chicken flapping moonwalk.<br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/btV6M2xDe38&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/btV6M2xDe38&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object>lagenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14031539269610758145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-51868188873984991452009-10-10T00:15:00.005+13:002009-10-10T00:31:32.897+13:00FIRST TIMES: BABY BRUCIE'S FIRST MALE CAMELTOE SIGHTINGi was sitting <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zazen">zazen</a>, spacing out with beer in hand, when like in a slow motion dream i looked up and saw it, rather saw them - the outline of two balls pressed too-snugly against a man's white pants as he sat (legs slightly splayed) on a chair above me. they weren't really something i wanted to see, but at the same time, i was intrigued. did he know he was essentially flashing his junk to the whole room? are white pants ever a good idea? what is a male cameltoe called anyway?<br /><br />according to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cameltoe">WikiCameltoe</a>, it's called <b>moose knuckles</b>.<br /><br />THE MORE YOU KNOW...<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_3I64m0x6wI&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_3I64m0x6wI&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-16104013134331274452009-10-01T20:09:00.002+13:002009-10-01T20:13:05.548+13:00skinny bitches<span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">we don't even need to talk about the commercial product angle or the domestic idolization angle. we just need to talk about how this is probably the best masturbating on a laundry machine i've ever seen:<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JwQCwxKbSmo&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JwQCwxKbSmo&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0&color1=0xcc2550&color2=0xe87a9f" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></span></span></span></span>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-50519272389133508802009-09-29T21:28:00.001+13:002009-09-29T21:29:45.005+13:00what is the nastiest word in the english language?previous votes have gone to SMEGMA and MOISTBrucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-64947754361582834772009-09-29T21:25:00.004+13:002009-09-29T21:27:40.637+13:00My Body As Love Doll, man vs. woman<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWCcc_T54BX-J1KEL-R0aVxkwBgdyfOl24dE2lUAwaNzeLJ28NG935bNqS1Y1kprMfEp-5isHx4ep3tB88VjJ_YE7lqOKi_0BUn8DJK4J-cjRyXcIUVioFrX9fqsMEtPu-rSV-ompqOo/s1600-h/RealDoll.jpeg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 220px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDWCcc_T54BX-J1KEL-R0aVxkwBgdyfOl24dE2lUAwaNzeLJ28NG935bNqS1Y1kprMfEp-5isHx4ep3tB88VjJ_YE7lqOKi_0BUn8DJK4J-cjRyXcIUVioFrX9fqsMEtPu-rSV-ompqOo/s320/RealDoll.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5386803033868705586" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqxvddUE2-MqsHWVuuJl1Z9hfgqBCjaLjvcTrOIsBb1k4nn3mI33MrFVpqyv_hhlN0J0-fh8YLYaBor9MOHXznUXIwTb0yCuwYmW6FeoFZvsv9lMtxtiv8rQDPH6mmxz309R4W4Ac3ZoU/s1600-h/RealDoll-male.jpeg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 218px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqxvddUE2-MqsHWVuuJl1Z9hfgqBCjaLjvcTrOIsBb1k4nn3mI33MrFVpqyv_hhlN0J0-fh8YLYaBor9MOHXznUXIwTb0yCuwYmW6FeoFZvsv9lMtxtiv8rQDPH6mmxz309R4W4Ac3ZoU/s320/RealDoll-male.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5386802907327126034" /></a>Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-78832301697976157362009-09-28T16:52:00.006+13:002009-09-28T16:55:41.375+13:00this one goes out to all my bitchesif some skank named me snickers and tried to put this shit on my head, i'd bite her fucking face off.<div><br /></div><div><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/KtS44eSlzfg&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/KtS44eSlzfg&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /></div>dogwighttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17102116601057396727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-9613400151839954332009-09-27T22:13:00.002+13:002009-09-27T22:22:47.074+13:00disturbing photos on wikipediahere are some classics:<br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smegma">WikiSmegma</a><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_feces">WikiHumanFeces</a><br />obviously these subjects deserve their own discussions, but for now i just want to point out the disturbing photos that have been posted in the wikipedia entries - it's interesting to think about who posted these photos and why. i imagine the contributors get a perverse enjoyment out of thinking that a photo of their dirty dick or their shit on a plate is being looked at by probably 100s or 1000s of anonymous internet surfers. it's like some sort of sick joke. is it funny? maybe. yes.Brucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-73171809834635843162009-09-27T09:38:00.011+13:002009-09-27T10:08:21.825+13:00"you're sexy, you're cute - take off that riot suit!"<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-family:courier new;" >i woke up this morning horrified to see this account of the G20 Pittsburgh protests on the front front page:</span> <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span><a style="font-family: courier new; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSPsrK7Z1s6xoSfGlJ2-nrDhyD4TvLo4tW8mOpp2VfAcJ4mb2u5ITRxFwrcqOS9ZR024ERu6sMuoV6t0U_eyV_71NEFsaUn3gcYtVUeqSsuYqOU4M8_jjiikPBD46wt1XsKRAtuxpfyu0/s1600-h/getimage.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 167px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSPsrK7Z1s6xoSfGlJ2-nrDhyD4TvLo4tW8mOpp2VfAcJ4mb2u5ITRxFwrcqOS9ZR024ERu6sMuoV6t0U_eyV_71NEFsaUn3gcYtVUeqSsuYqOU4M8_jjiikPBD46wt1XsKRAtuxpfyu0/s400/getimage.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5385878523944572130" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-family:courier new;" >At first my reaction was reasonable: some asshole cop has not only handcuffed this socially-conscious basketball fan, but he is taking the extra step of gently but firmly pushing his nose, just because he can. aaaw, "mugging for the cameras."</span> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-family:courier new;" >then i read the caption: "riot police officer adjusts protester's glasses." wait, what? i'm sure that's not what happened. a quick search of AP images from the week reveals this is one small, sweet moment amongst much more frequent moments of neighborhood-protester solidarity.</span> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-family:courier new;" >and THEN i remembered that there are </span><a style="font-family: courier new; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://www.copfeet.com/">people that really like this sort of thing</a><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);font-family:courier new;" >:</span> <span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span><a style="font-family: courier new; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfm9P2JeENgYh8RqJSr4_hKdQzDRgaaqbDophcVWZnbDG0gxZOx-sOwnL-sJFrESAkVj9v1QuotHWOPRRJuoglSboh5oDHY-IhWyQjbkwvvoyB8O7-ehUXxJfrDzT5V6mRcWfN2jdSypE/s1600-h/3780286626_b12db40c20.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 212px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfm9P2JeENgYh8RqJSr4_hKdQzDRgaaqbDophcVWZnbDG0gxZOx-sOwnL-sJFrESAkVj9v1QuotHWOPRRJuoglSboh5oDHY-IhWyQjbkwvvoyB8O7-ehUXxJfrDzT5V6mRcWfN2jdSypE/s400/3780286626_b12db40c20.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5385880024985171250" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-family:courier new;" >there's some comments underneath this photo on flickr, which i don't understand at all. is it a japanese thing? NO. but i had to listen to this song on the radio for six months before i was able to acknowledge what it was actually about:<br /></span> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/JIdkUjUGOdo&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/JIdkUjUGOdo&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span style="font-style: italic;"> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br /><br />a girl i was friends with in highschool used to drive around in a lifted jeep safari with a 3 ft. tall glass bong in the back, visible from the road. she had this bumpersticker on the back/ did it help? i don't know, but she never got actually actually arrested:</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span></span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjNpNxL3DLN8k1vo6pWuwY2XCuwfSBBFAso9WLv1Tthg1oaYr-s8TfIMmoyruMJN6eGNF1GpONPsL4VMWoIrIECjJFXbCBj7F4XAdwltb0rCbjIWycOOc8QF5-Oilz0Wbe1pQeQZHXkI/s1600-h/cop.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPjNpNxL3DLN8k1vo6pWuwY2XCuwfSBBFAso9WLv1Tthg1oaYr-s8TfIMmoyruMJN6eGNF1GpONPsL4VMWoIrIECjJFXbCBj7F4XAdwltb0rCbjIWycOOc8QF5-Oilz0Wbe1pQeQZHXkI/s400/cop.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5385884342143129682" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span></span></span>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-58382295785512217732009-09-26T09:27:00.010+12:002009-09-26T17:48:30.214+12:00intimate messLast night I was rejected by text message as my train crossed the Manhattan Bridge, so when I got home I smothered my heartbreak in booze and Internet dating (mild palliatives, to be sure, but after all, this was just a 1-night stand). My drink of choice was a perky pink-lemonade-from-a-can and gin mixture (times 4), and my site was OkCupid. <div><br /></div><div>I joined OkCupid sometime last spring in order to stalk my roommate's dates along with her and somewhere along the line it sucked me in. I've never been on a date with any of these people, and I never respond to their occasional IM ("intimate message") requests, but I still go back every now and again (when I'm drunk) to see who has the cleverest profile so that I can send him a creepy message or two. </div><div><br /></div><div>He never writes back.</div><div><br /></div><div>Last night, I picked out this 28 year-old Brooklynite called "okhoopla." He had taken some of the OkCupid quizzes—so I knew that his dating persona was "Loverboy", his lover profile was "Exotic", he was 62% slut, had 55% accurate gaydar, and was an "English Genius" who's "mostly straight" (sign me up!)—but other than that his profile was almost entirely bare. For some reason, in my drunken state, this was appealing to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>And then there were the three photos he'd posted. They were also pretty non-descript: one of him leaning against a kitchen counter in front of a case of Poland Spring water, one of him staring pensively off into the sky, one of a drawing of Moby Dick plunging into the ocean. That last one really sealed the deal, and I decided to send him this:</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">some caption suggestions:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">1) Polish Springs</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">2) Are you there God, it's me, okhoopla</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">3) Dick diving</span></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div><div>Looking back on it today, I was especially happy about #3, and I set out to invent my own slang definition of what the phrase "dick diving" could mean. I came up with two possibilities:</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">1)</span> When you go out to a bar or club or something with the single-minded (though often unspoken) intention of bringing a man home with you. (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">S</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">ample sentence</span>: Ooh, yes, Soul Night is always cram-packed with wieners. Looks like we're going <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">dick diving </span>tonight!)</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">or</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">2)</span> When a man is particularly poorly-endowed, and you have to do some searching around to get to his penis. (<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Sample sentence</span>: "He was so small, I had to go <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">dick diving </span>just to go down on him!")</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So...the second one is kind of mean, and it doesn't even really make sense (I really can't imagine that happening), but I just sort of liked the way it sounded in a sentence. </div><div><br /></div><div>But what do you guys think? Do you like these definitions? Should I start popularizing this term? SHOULD I???</div>dogwighttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17102116601057396727noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-43811906124300009892009-09-24T19:23:00.003+12:002009-09-24T19:27:00.424+12:00credit where credit is due<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-family: courier new;">because flavorian actually got his doctorate in the internet.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-family: courier new;">better than</span> <a style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://letoffsomesteambennett.tumblr.com/post/178246660/darn-fine-segment-of-monsterpiece-theater">transcendental meditation</a>.Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-84224967055744156842009-09-23T18:51:00.002+12:002009-09-23T18:57:25.387+12:00DON'T BOMB THE MOON<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);font-size:130%;" >because my friend annie murphy is so <a href="http://ghostcatcomics.blogspot.com/2009/08/dear-nasa.html">fuckin good.</a></span>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-36626518340339435492009-09-23T09:09:00.004+12:002009-09-23T09:32:47.074+12:00NAMESAKE SHOUTOUT<span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">guest awesomeness from the gradiose and interconnected DOCTOR FLAVORIAN aka CRACKTEAM THERAMINIST aka OSAMA BIN TUPAC, who wants to remind you that you really should get on the internet and talk to him more often.<br />We're all WEST COAST over here and so even if this post appears to be registering in eastern standard time, that shit is wrong.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">the best coast is right. and we'd like to show you how we do it.</span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />ANYWAYS THE GOODS:</span><br /><br /><object style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);" width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EI3hpiSbcFw&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EI3hpiSbcFw&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />which is not quite like the throwdown that occurs with </span><a style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czyfws7OLCs">gin and juice</a><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">, but still, here's some more parties that don't stop....</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />apparently not as hot as putting on </span><a style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://www.digitalbricabrac.com/gifs/Girl%20Putting%20Skirt%20On.gif">jeans</a><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />and def. not as hot as </span><a style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://www.digitalbricabrac.com/gifs/doggystyle.gif">doin' it doggystyle...</a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />thought about makin </span><a style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://r2ch.mirror.waffleimages.com/i/61/61a076e323256b25b67654bf5d8d8d22214cfeaa.gif">this</a><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"> the banner but then thought it'd make me sick...</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />and finally, this has just snuck out of the house and onto the intranets:</span><br /><br /><a style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdCjBYAygl_Ievbf4u_k45h73BUhp4fiP8IcEUm9qoEEln89KVKFW0Wq_-EwUrt7fK22RLErxcw2KWABaqHO2QWud4lRW3Ok83ud9jtY6U7l-Gy9VRkA5vFU2ZWHengvB3w4B7qOwAT_c/s1600-h/gfk-ghostdini-cvr-3x32.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdCjBYAygl_Ievbf4u_k45h73BUhp4fiP8IcEUm9qoEEln89KVKFW0Wq_-EwUrt7fK22RLErxcw2KWABaqHO2QWud4lRW3Ok83ud9jtY6U7l-Gy9VRkA5vFU2ZWHengvB3w4B7qOwAT_c/s400/gfk-ghostdini-cvr-3x32.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384405619587267762" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />It's a killah disguised as an opium purveyor disguised as a very sexy small man behind a curtain. I've got the secret link to get it, if you haven't got it. Because Flavorian's got it all.</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"><br />Clearly, this is only the tip of the DOGGBERG. but without sound on my computer,</span><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic; color: rgb(204, 51, 204);"> this will have to do for nows.</span>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-23793762879262941642009-09-22T20:54:00.005+12:002009-09-22T20:59:24.157+12:00you MUST already know about this<span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">i'm looking at YOU, co-bloggers:</span><br /><br /><a style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaxMtLsLO1BeBmOBql7HovWtvhgWHGmGJeGmNp9izBfTGl9sd-ttUO-C7j4K3aAadEhCQQIV7elGqbN4zsAGpVCz8F0IedLyyL0JeLyXcOP_l_jE-M1w_of0XVj8extnj5vW4BQV9r2uU/s1600-h/09_16_2009.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaxMtLsLO1BeBmOBql7HovWtvhgWHGmGJeGmNp9izBfTGl9sd-ttUO-C7j4K3aAadEhCQQIV7elGqbN4zsAGpVCz8F0IedLyyL0JeLyXcOP_l_jE-M1w_of0XVj8extnj5vW4BQV9r2uU/s400/09_16_2009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384212970332547890" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br />and then this one i just couldn't resist:</span><br /><br /><br /><a style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204); font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbfPrte7f3y0IkUZgjIOrUvzyvpU956LAVzVbR7fwNoEq2FxvX_AkBJpTc41P1K9afoqW1hlfw8vRJ6Os6dIU_8nlInl1wf3ExfRJeDleIoDTaBhp8y2cf6R0msEgtyMTzS04NX7g3JRU/s1600-h/dog-wig-1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 356px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbfPrte7f3y0IkUZgjIOrUvzyvpU956LAVzVbR7fwNoEq2FxvX_AkBJpTc41P1K9afoqW1hlfw8vRJ6Os6dIU_8nlInl1wf3ExfRJeDleIoDTaBhp8y2cf6R0msEgtyMTzS04NX7g3JRU/s400/dog-wig-1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384213141181477842" border="0" /></a>Rhonda Rhombushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16816138997844708891noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-7258245424276943512009-09-20T06:27:00.004+12:002009-09-20T06:32:44.105+12:00got hemorrhoids?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtM1VHCTjLZnYND_63UwOIpSS0ja0G6WjmnHF-mrmISj6nj7IyOWy6UETkYIha8pEkLlnTa7kDtMmPJBCXlS_jsbwgYpP_TviimiZyWjNj9gJB474E5ybBg7CnrNIW6sE4eaZJH8zU6ggQ/s1600-h/IMG_3885.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtM1VHCTjLZnYND_63UwOIpSS0ja0G6WjmnHF-mrmISj6nj7IyOWy6UETkYIha8pEkLlnTa7kDtMmPJBCXlS_jsbwgYpP_TviimiZyWjNj9gJB474E5ybBg7CnrNIW6sE4eaZJH8zU6ggQ/s400/IMG_3885.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383247498753926402" /></a><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoG9cWHUqS8G4YEedGyEdGQ71JV4W4AOD-hH6Y84thHmFvNx-MFvdRkDV_TLF9sCGf0Uk8dMvnb00JpcnSdRzSd84JihYm6j4pNACttEWIeD9vF2Aud86OhuSoJLlJgoP9VVUQ5gZHhJIq/s400/IMG_3887.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383247503600686098" /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>this is the front of my building<br /></div>dogwighttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17102116601057396727noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2363134762440192071.post-87121576696009924592009-09-19T16:15:00.004+12:002009-09-19T16:19:32.887+12:00eugene hütz (of gogol bordello) is a beautiful man<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-DpoSF-OliY-eWxblQSHl-KhyNgDuT8zdBlrpiGPOpH1BO3QGhdWk27aIY3b_pSNZR-c-Uv2EXtvMnwUFa8jH4YFECuPGHe1_1_wZWgksaA61CWTq8wLBE6Reg_qZI64lK1R-rMAJ_FI/s1600-h/08EugeneHutz.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-DpoSF-OliY-eWxblQSHl-KhyNgDuT8zdBlrpiGPOpH1BO3QGhdWk27aIY3b_pSNZR-c-Uv2EXtvMnwUFa8jH4YFECuPGHe1_1_wZWgksaA61CWTq8wLBE6Reg_qZI64lK1R-rMAJ_FI/s320/08EugeneHutz.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383028074161645298" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjbCdTyXPdCVLQt0Em2S00_vxc3RRtpMGoORP0pfjU5pAXNQt1-FkOYGJlbv9NKywPadVR9xwvkqxMqbmBepGuvI-GHXFlkvNpMMzgPlN4MtkaFB_gT1wrkW-6dkXxbF9GPOi0cLPcn_k/s1600-h/eugene2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 180px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjbCdTyXPdCVLQt0Em2S00_vxc3RRtpMGoORP0pfjU5pAXNQt1-FkOYGJlbv9NKywPadVR9xwvkqxMqbmBepGuvI-GHXFlkvNpMMzgPlN4MtkaFB_gT1wrkW-6dkXxbF9GPOi0cLPcn_k/s320/eugene2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383027973425553586" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiueqrH984sCJyj6ohsN60SrjbGy2H51xO0yhI2rB1mcJ_m8Y5BvIrLFHT0Az-EtZXZ8ZUX-esUpyD8t2cVS3KaScrie0G7-Hw1Mfs4NckYoz6dS7qUpIpQhnL1dhtvl83QyUutu4e3cJ0/s1600-h/eugene.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiueqrH984sCJyj6ohsN60SrjbGy2H51xO0yhI2rB1mcJ_m8Y5BvIrLFHT0Az-EtZXZ8ZUX-esUpyD8t2cVS3KaScrie0G7-Hw1Mfs4NckYoz6dS7qUpIpQhnL1dhtvl83QyUutu4e3cJ0/s320/eugene.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383027864248611042" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />with an amazing moustacheBrucehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15419822927475630015noreply@blogger.com1